After almost 20 years of going from heaven to hell and back (a few times) with my soulmate you know what I have learned? Through my own actions/inactions and faulty perceptions there has been always been some way that I have contributed to situations that created stress. Always.
I had to own my shit!
This is not the same as self blame. It’s self responsibility.
The longer we know someone, the more habitual our responses to that person become. When we are in habitual patterns we become unconscious. We are not owning our “stuff”.
If there is disharmony in a relationship, then it’s up to you to find your own habitual pattern of behaviour and change it.
This is where self awareness comes in. You must be able to recognize when you are being triggered and pull away from that. This allows you to move into a totally new course of action.
Know this……You cannot change the other person. You can only change how you behave in relation to that person. When you do this, it gives the individual an opportunity to step out of their own pre-programmed response towards you. Now you have given them the freedom to change. Whether they do so is their choice. This is how you become conscious in your relationships.
But its up to you to look within and make the first move.